i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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