we have officially lost it.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
