The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
