Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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