You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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