Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
