I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
