He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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