i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
