Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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