I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize