He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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