I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
