In the future we'll all be gay
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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