I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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