Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Less talking, more tequila
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
