; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
