im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
All the doctor said was why
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
