you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
