she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
