it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
