i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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