Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
