is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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