i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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