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There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize