Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
