I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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