He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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