So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
