I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize