I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I've blown a few things in my day
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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