I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
