he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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