I just made out with a guy for $7.
someone owes me an orgasm
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
