Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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