That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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