I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
