I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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