You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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