I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Dicks are not precious.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
