Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
