Christians are straight up FREAKS
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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