she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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