dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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