I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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