I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize