I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
