it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
