My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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