My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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