Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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