Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
