maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
