Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
