I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
