Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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