I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
