You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
