how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
