I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
