My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
