Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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