its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Found your dick twin last night
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
