Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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