If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
