One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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