Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
