You're completely useless in the revolution.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
